there was a day a long time ago when i decided to not feel sorry for myself. i was to have a good attitude about my life and be happy to be alive. This is very hard to do on days like this. i am sad, angry and annoyed. my teeth dont fit and i have no one in my life who can even understand what that feels like. the amount of glue i have to use on these things burns the roof of my mouth. every night when i take them out i have huge bumps and sores all over! not to mention the horrible taste of plastic and mint that i have to endure with every meal. today i put my teeth in and not 15 minutes later i had to take them out to fix them, it was the first time my father watched me do this which also means it was the first time he saw me crying trying to get my teeth to stay in. he came over and hugged me. the first time he has given me any sympathy since this whole thing started.

today i had a make up class for doc. it was in ipswich. thats an hour and a half away from my house. i had to ask my dad what he thought being as he is the holder of all the money and i needed gas. he and i both agreed that driving a total of 3 hours for a class at my teachers house that far away was crazy, especially since i would have to leave early since i had to get home to work. here is my problem, i may have just failed the class. i would hope that he wouldn’t take attendance serious on a day like today but if he does, i am fucked and then i fail. i wouldn’t know how to tell my dad. how could i tell him that all that money was for nothing. 

And finally, i’m feeling like i’m not in a real relationship anymore. like i am barely hanging on. i dont know if its just me or not but, all i want is to be with someone who shows me any sort of anything.  no calls, no texts, no emotion. i’d rather be single then be in a relationship where im wanting to be wanted. every relationship i have been in i have been the one who wanted to be in the relationship. for some reason i am always finding guys who could really care less about me or the relationship we’re in. why do i do this? why cant i just find someone who loves me as much as i love them? or at least they should pretend to love me instead of making me feel like a fucking moron! 

so these are the things i am dealing with and these are the reason i am having a hard time not being in a shit mood. i just wish there were someone where to hold me and tell me everything would be ok. 

@2 months ago with 2 notes